Supporting people in distress

Starting a mental health conversation


Once you have spotted signs of poor mental health, taking a few minutes out to start a meaningful conversation with them, can often make a huge difference.


Try to find a quiet, private and, if possible, neutral space; somewhere where the person will feel comfortable talking. People often don’t feel comfortable talking at work, so maybe go to a café or park. Normally ten to fifteen minutes is enough, but give yourself plenty of time just in case they want to talk more, so you don’t feel you are rushing the person. 


Useful questions to ask:


  • How are you feeling at the moment?
  • How long have you felt like this?
  • Is there anything in your personal/work life contributing to how you are feeling?
  • Is there anyone you feel you can go to for support?
  • Is there anything I can do to help?


Try to keep the chats positive and supportive, and keep your body language open and non-confrontational. 


Be empathic by trying to put yourself in their situation, and try to understand things from their point of view. Explore the issues, and look at ways you might be able to help, for example finding other resources they can go for more professional help.


How to listen:


  • Accept them as they are - don’t judge or criticise because of your own beliefs and attitudes.
  • Listen carefully to their words and what they are saying.
  • Demonstrate and acknowledge that you hear what they are saying and feeling.
  • Listen to their voice, intonation, and keep an eye on their body language - all clues to how they are feeling.
  • Be genuine.
  • Don’t offer thoughtless advice such as ‘pull yourself together’, ‘cheer up’, ‘it isn’t as bad as it seems’ or ‘everyone feels like that sometimes’.
  • Take into account possible cultural differences.
  • Take into account any other disabilities the person may have, for example lack of eye contact for autism.


Fear of saying the wrong thing


People often have a fear of saying the wrong thing when supporting someone in distress or in crisis, but simply just listening in a non-judgemental way can be very supportive. And asking what you can do to help often gives people the opportunity to reflect on their own needs. Offer support rather than solutions - people are all different and their experiences and needs may differ from yours. Don’t label or stereotype either, and try to be positive by encouraging self-help strategies, and explore the possibility of accessing help from professionals or other groups and organisation.


Follow up


Don’t just end the conversation with no follow up, always try to follow up, either by making another appointment or arrangement to meet up to see how they are, and what you/they have done following your conversation. However, it is important to be clear about your availability and capacity to help - whether it’s over the phone or in person, and at particular times of the day, or days of the week.


Give reassurances that there are many sources of support out there which you might be able to work with them to find. It is also a good idea keep your own database of health resources too, which you can offer at the time of support, for example download the Stay Alive app and keep it on your phone should you ever need to refer to it.


What if the person reveals thoughts of suicide?


→ Suicide is a difficult topic to talk about, and people are still afraid to ask directly about suicidal thoughts or behaviour, but don’t let this stop you if you are genuinely concerned about someone. You won’t put thoughts in their head that are not already there. But you can ask simple questions like: ‘Are you considering self-harming or taking your own life’, or ‘Do you feel safe at the moment.’